Friday, April 13, 2012

Friendship

friend  (frɛnd) 
— n
1.a person known well to another and regarded with liking,affection, and loyalty; an intimate
2.an acquaintance or associate
3.an ally in a fight or cause; supporter
4.a fellow member of a party, society, etc
5.a patron or supporter: a friend of the opera
6.be friends  to be friendly (with)
7.make friends  to become friendly (with)

Hola bloggonia!!  Happy Friday the 13th...watch your backs!! I kid, I kid!  I've been away a little longer than normal, but maybe I can make up for it tonight to you guys with a little something from my heart!  I thought tonight that I'd delve into the realm of friendship and all that comes along with it.  As anyone who knows me personally can tell you, friends are the most important thing to me in the WORLD next to my wife and kids.  In fact my friends were all I had for the first 29 years of my life before I started my little tribe.

Those that know me can attest that I am fiercely loyal to my friends, as I am my family.  I have a small core of "real" friends that I would fight for, die for and if necessary kill for.  I know to lots of folks that may seem extreme, but to me it's the natural order of things.

For most of my life, I've not had what you would call a good 'family support network'.  With the exception of my older brother Bryan Hanks, I haven't had a constant family presence in my life in 20 + years.  But I digress, because this is not a pity party for my life, but a tribute to one of the true blessings in our mortal roamings on this earth.  That being friendship.

I should probably start with one of my first true friends, although I'd had several buddies growing up that I hung with at school, church or VERY occasionally would slip over to my house when the parents weren't around, he was the one that opened my eyes to the real world and showed me that I didn't have to live in a hostile environment, that I could change my destiny, and for that I am FOREVER grateful!  We haven't been as close as I'd like over the last 15 years or so, because of mutual differences, he went into law enforcement, and after my Army stint, I went in the totally other direction, but we've as late talked and I think all is well, but we're still not as close as I'd like.  I'm an outlaw at heart, and honestly, he helped plant that seed!  But the past is the past, and hopefully we'll embark on a whole new journey in our friendship.  Detective Eric Byrd, you will always have a special place in my heart!!

The next friend that I absolutely cannot omit is my only long lasting Army buddy that I retained over the years.  To an 18 year old homesick Wilkes County, North Carolina boy, he was always there when I needed a swift kick in the ass or a friendly ear to whine to.  We got into more crap, (well I did, he always managed to dodge the bullet, even though we were ALWAYS together), had more laughs, and messed with more people than two people should be allowed!! From fighting off the skin head infantrymen in the Dragon Club, downtown Tongduchon, to drinking every available Korean alcoholic beverage within reach, to kicking it with the Korean soldiers augmented to the U.S. Army, we ran our little corner of Camp Casey, Korea for a good 18 months at LEAST!!   Jamie Wynder was my rock in Korea and for a while after I got out.  We both have different lives and families now, but we manage to stay in contact and still have what I would consider a very healthy friendship.

After I was discharged from our glorious military, I took up residence in Greensboro, North Carolina in a boarding house with one of the most singular characters of my 42 years.  He was from my home county of Wilkes, and had been introduced to me by my step-brother, who I used to count as a dear friend, but for some reason has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Anyhoooo...I don't know if I've ever immediately connected to ANYONE the way I did this fellow.  The first night we roomed together, we stayed up telling one another all the sorted crap from each others lives until the sun came up.  We ended up getting a job together, and would ride back to our old stomping ground, along with his brother, every weekend in search of hotties in the greater Surry/Wilkes County area.  We were literally inseparable, I am pretty sure most of that was due to the fact that he took pity on me and dragged me along with him, and I am eternally grateful for that!  I would've been lost without him and his friendship in Greensboro all by myself.  He and his family would end up being the center of my friend base up until this day, with a few breaks in between, but pretty much for the last 20 years, he's been my constant homey.  Chris Sykes was my ticket out of a depressed, alcohol soaked, downward spiral that I was headed into after I hit the "real world" after the Army.  I have nothing but love for him and all of his family!!

It would be a sin for me to not mention the friends that didn't make it along the way.  If you've read any of my blogs so far, then you're certainly aware of Mike Holyfield, the funniest little fat man that ever lived!!  He brought so much joy to everyone that ever knew him, and to me for over 10 years.  He was definitely one of a kind who will never be replaced in my mind by anyone.  I can't even begin to relate the impact his death had on me and our group of friends!  There are others that didn't make it in this journey of life that I have to at least recognize...A dear friend that I parted ways with that fell on bad days with addiction, and I was not there like I should've been because of a past meaningless squabble.  He turned me on to a lot of the music that I still rock to, and taught me that life is about now, that we're never promised tomorrow years before his untimely death.  His is the one friendship that I wish I would've had a chance to recultivate.  We saw each other a couple of times over the years, but the relationship wasn't as honest and pure as it was in the beginning.  He is the reason that I tell my kids to this day not to go to bed mad at someone, because you never know what tomorrow holds!  Bo Roberts, you were one of my true friends, and I'll go to my grave wishing that I'd made things right between us.  Another passing that I regret, although I regret them all this one maybe the worst, is because he was SUCH a young man that idolized me and Mike Holyfield and wanted to spend every waking hour with us, and considered me his "brother", as he told me more times than I can count.  The thing you don't count on is being awakened at 4am by his father telling you that he's been thrown through his sunroof and killed after leaving your house and wanting to know if you'll be a pallbearer.  Ricky Newman, at 19 years old, you truly died MUCH too soon and I would give ANYTHING to be able to rewind and make you hang with us the night you decided to leave abruptly for whatever reason.  I have visited all of your graves regularly and wept openly and begged for all of your forgiveness for being a shitty friend.

I see kids and their friends these days and as soon as they're out of earshot they're cutting each other up, and putting each other down.  Friendship is precious, possibly one of the most precious gifts that is given to us by God, or whatever deity you choose to believe in.  In a time when "families" are a thing of the past and marriages last as long as a high school dating  experience, true friendship should be valued above all else, except your own personal immediate family infrastructure.  I know I've left out many buddies and homeys along the way in my hurry to wrap this up, but you are all immortalized in my heart!  I honestly think I've represented the ones that impacted my life the most over the longest period of time, and the ones that I wanted to bring to the forefront because of my past failings as a friend.  Much too late for some, I might add.

To all my friends that remain that I've mentioned, and a lot that I haven't, I love each and every one of you and my life is enriched by every tiny experience that each of you have introduced me to.  I wouldn't nearly be the well-rounded person that I am if it weren't for the influences that all of you have opened me up to. 



 The most special of all in my recent years  of struggling and strife, in the years when I didn't have anything but the clothes on my back when we first met, and they opened up a door to self-improvement and a better life would be the Miller family in Dobson, North Carolina.  I know they have no idea of the gratitude and loyalty and love I have for them, but they were more of a family to me over the last 20 years, (good or bad), than my own.  They are a special breed of people that are selfless and are willing to give a dead-end drunk, wannabe-thug, a second chance, and make him feel like he really belongs somewhere.  I love all you guys for that!!

That concludes my rambling and ranting for tonight, I hope I reminded you guys, and maybe enlightened some of you as to what is really important and real in this crazy mixed up world.  Until next time Fellow Bloggonians here's a little tune that was one of mine and my buddy Mike's favorites that to me speaks about the briefness of life and the illumination of it's temporary stars.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gjiBwF0K64 I can't confirm it, but to me it sounds a whole lot like he's singing to his deceased old pal Kurt Cobain, at least in my mind that's what I get out of it.

 I hope each and every one of you, and all of your true friends have a long, memorable, and truly unforgettable life together!!

2 comments:

  1. True friends are rare, more rare and precious than gold or diamonds or any of mans other valued treasures, true friends see who you are know that you're fucked up but love you anyways! I Love You, D. Hankins

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  2. God loves you, he always has, he freely bestows upon you your hearts desire, you can want for nothing and need for less, you are Blessed do you know it? And if God be with you then who be against ya? The only limits on your potential are applied by you. You're meant to strive not only survive. I Love You, D. Hankins

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