I have 'returneded', (reference to John Leguizamos movie "the Pest" in case no one caught that). It seems that I have returned empty handed though. I am afraid I have no pearls of wisdom to offer as of late. I have been in a state of self-reflection for the last couple of weeks and I have to say that I am not completely happy with myself on several areas. Although this does not make interesting reading for the happy folks of Bloggonia, it is nevertheless the turmoil of my battered mind. I have for years maintained a steady grip on sanity, "sobriety", and adulthood, however at times I stare into the dismal face of reality and all that it entails with a little less than the acceptable level of responsibility.
Basically I am a moody bastard from time to time. I'm sure it's something that most of us can relate to. We struggle and abide lifes challenges and troubles, then we eventually reap the happiness of the good days that are peppered in with the garbage. I'm an eternal optimist most days, but then there will be periods of a week or so, where I bathe in the misery of the world and contemplate the greater meaning of it all with little or no satisfaction. I'm positive there's a medical word for my dilemma, but I just chalk it up as life. It can't be Sunny all the time! People that are happy all the time, without exception, worry me and I honestly don't trust them for the most part.
I think that I require a certain amount of wallowing to balance my mind and soul...to truly appreciate the goodness in life, sometimes you have to visit the darker, less appealing things in our world.
Let me say right away, that I have every reason to be happy and content, and as I've stated, normally I am. I have a wonderful wife, who is the center of my universe along with my two unbelievable kids, with another on the way, I have a job in a time when so many don't, and am in relatively good shape/health.
All these things however, don't keep me from slipping into my inexplicable chasm of moodiness and melancholy from time to time. I used to write poetry and short stories in my younger years and all I had to base them on up until that period in my life was misery, disappointment, and sadness. I produced a lot of writing that my friends and companions, and peers said were "outstanding" and "impressive".
But alas, I'm NOT hopelessly depressed, and downtrodden as I was in those days, so the motivation for my most creative and provocative writing died. I wonder at times if that isn't what drives so many artists, (not that I'm an artist of any caliber), to untimely demises. They build a career on a certain persona, or image, then when they attempt to convert to another lifestyle, although it may be a more positive and rewarding one, if it isn't just too much to endure, having to create a whole new personality. Like their true creative selves have died, so there is nothing "real" to cling to.
Anyway, I am truly ranting tonight and really need to round it up! I will be back, with a little more pep in my step and hopefully a little sunnier disposition.
Until then, I'll leave you with the musical farewell of one of the true tortured souls of my time. Layne Staley of Alice in Chains singing "Nutshell" on MTV's Unplugged. It was one of, if not his last live performance. His body was obviously ravaged by drug addiction, and when he would talk between songs, his voice was shaky and broken, but in song he was perfection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbpS2LfoTKU&feature=related
Good night to all, and as Scarlett O'Hara said in my favorite movie of all time, (which is an entire blog in itself), "Tomorrow is another day"! Sweet Dreams fellow Bloggonians!!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Me vs. the New World Order
Hello fellow Bloggonians! Hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines day with the one you love, if not, I hope you "love the one your with", as the old song goes!
Anyhoooo, this is probably gonna' be a really short and sweet entry tonight, though hopefully, it will be sufficient. I'm sure that now I've went through the fluff and initial warming up, that some are wondering where I stand in matters of more relevance to society and the great mission of mankind.
Let's just say I'm not Liberal, not what Conservatives call Conservatives these days, but am more of an anti-Globalist, struggling against the neo-con, uni-party that both political groups actually fit into these days. If I get into politics, and even religion nowadays, I'm gonna' pretty much piss off the majority of people that are reading. I could be wrong, as there seems to be somewhat of an awakening of "free thinkers" these days, but most are afraid of being ridiculed and called "conspiracy theorist" or worse.
This will be my only real political post, but I want it to resonate my true feelings and beliefs. Our government, and indeed the global political landscape has been manipulated by George Soros (,http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=42674), and others of the global "elite" into a grand impending showdown of monumental proportions.
Our national sovereignty, and individual freedoms mean absolutely nothing to these vultures and their cronies.
I'm not the best at conveying the complete and total truth in these matters, because I become too emotional and tend to interject my frustration and usually do more damage than good. But what I will do is leave you, my fellow Bloggonians and citizens, the resources to see the REAL news, unedited by our government run media.
http://www.infowars.com/ and http://www.prisonplanet.com/com are two very reliable sources to open your mind to the tyranny that is and has been unfolding in our country and the world for entirely too long!
Okay, I'm off my soap box, (for now), and am calling it a night.
Anyhoooo, this is probably gonna' be a really short and sweet entry tonight, though hopefully, it will be sufficient. I'm sure that now I've went through the fluff and initial warming up, that some are wondering where I stand in matters of more relevance to society and the great mission of mankind.
Let's just say I'm not Liberal, not what Conservatives call Conservatives these days, but am more of an anti-Globalist, struggling against the neo-con, uni-party that both political groups actually fit into these days. If I get into politics, and even religion nowadays, I'm gonna' pretty much piss off the majority of people that are reading. I could be wrong, as there seems to be somewhat of an awakening of "free thinkers" these days, but most are afraid of being ridiculed and called "conspiracy theorist" or worse.
This will be my only real political post, but I want it to resonate my true feelings and beliefs. Our government, and indeed the global political landscape has been manipulated by George Soros (,http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=42674), and others of the global "elite" into a grand impending showdown of monumental proportions.
Our national sovereignty, and individual freedoms mean absolutely nothing to these vultures and their cronies.
I'm not the best at conveying the complete and total truth in these matters, because I become too emotional and tend to interject my frustration and usually do more damage than good. But what I will do is leave you, my fellow Bloggonians and citizens, the resources to see the REAL news, unedited by our government run media.
http://www.infowars.com/ and http://www.prisonplanet.com/com are two very reliable sources to open your mind to the tyranny that is and has been unfolding in our country and the world for entirely too long!
Okay, I'm off my soap box, (for now), and am calling it a night.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
A Trip to the Dark Side and Back
I am back out of hiatus, or rather back from the real world of 12 hour shifts and sleep adjustment...so I sincerely hope my 5 readers haven't missed me too much. The couple of times that I may have had an opportunity to reenter Bloggonia, I've been struggling with topic issues, of which I have many, but am trying to develop a fan base so I don't won't to offend everyone at once.
As these blogs progress, I will undoubtedly offend, because I tend to be "brutally" honest, or so I've been told, and I'm extremely opinionated to a fault at times. But therein lies my pleasure...trying to convince everyone that the way I think is right!
When I finally awakened from the oppressive steel-toe boot kick to the head that my overly-draconian father had imposed on my younger years, I grasped for anything that might explain the grand scheme of life, and why so many falter and fail, when others seemingly float around in a see of success, achievement and good fortune. When you are told from childhood that you're worthless and sorrier than "whale shit on the bottom of the ocean", somehow you start to wonder if it's not true. Report card days were a real treat. I used to get literally physically sick on report card days. I remember my older, and much more studious and smarter brother Bryan, lying for me and telling our parents that our report cards had not been given out yet, so he could buy me another day or two of relief, and paid the price with me for lying. Things like that, only a brother can do, and can never be repaid.
I did however manage to graduate high school, ( I was on what I refer to as the "5-year plan"), and afterwards, I thought the Army and it's promises of "being all I could be" was the answer to begin with, and for many of my friends and peers, it was and has been. I realized then, that I had a serious problem with authority, that still mildly permeates in my personality today, despite my many attempts to quell it.
I entered the work force upon returning from the 18 month drinking binge that is Camp Casey, Korea, to discover that things were just as shitty out in the civilian world, if not worse, than it had been in the military. Luckily, I fell in with some really good characters that are still mostly prominent in my life 20 years later. We've all survived this crazy, maddening, yet exhilarating journey together for the most part. We've lost a couple along the way, but the core group is still intact and older, wiser and all the better for wear.
The thing is life, no matter how overwhelming, how defeating, or how unfair it sometimes may seem, life is essentially a test. Some say it's a gift, which I agree with, but I believe it goes farther than that. It is a test, a test of how we respond to the perils, challenges, and obstacles that are thrown our way on a daily basis. It basically boils down to the choices we make from day-to-day. A decision to go ahead and hit that joint that's passed to you a few days before a job interview, the bright idea to have unprotected sex, but also the good sense of some to buckle down and avoid the temptations they're barraged with every day to get that education, or job, and the foresight of others to decide to abstain, or at least practice "safe-sex" if there is truly such a thing, (that's a WHOLE other blog entirely!!).
I tried blaming all kinds of things for my problems with family, employment, or what-have-you when I was a younger man. From God, to the "man", my parents, to my own inability to let certain things from my frivolous lifestyle go, then the miracle happened...I became responsible for someone else's life and well-being. I became a father. I'll never forget finding out that I was going to be a Dad from my then friend/girlfriend, now 12 year wife, and retreating to the bathroom to gather my wits. I was bombed out of my mind; vodka, reefer, and more than likely a pill or two thrown in there back in those days. She, on the other hand was as straight as an arrow, as always,having still to this day not ever been drunk or high, one of the best people that I've known, PERIOD. I remember that, as cheesy as it may seem, the Creed song "With Arms Wide Open" was playing on the stereo, (another thing of the past), and I pretty much begged God that if he'd let my child be born healthy with all his fingers, toes, and no deformities, that I'd give up all the stupid things that I was doing at the time.
Fast forward 12 years...I'm still with the only girl that I've ever really loved, have two of the most awesomely wonderful kids that anyone could ask for and another on the way in June of 2012, and I've MOSTLY held up my end of the deal. I still drink, although with a lot better judgement, but everything else, I've pretty much given up.
I still have my great questions for the universe, or whoever is in charge of it, but I have found solace in the fact that I have traveled a great and trying distance and been down to the point of having seemingly no hope, and risen to the pinnacle of being the beacon in someone else's life. I remember when I was young in Sunday school, our teacher would tell us that you have to be careful what you do, because there is ALWAYS someone that looks up to you...now I convey that same message to my two children, as I've seen it with my own eyes on at least a couple of instances.
Finally on this Valentines Day edition of my foolish blogginess, I find myself wanting for the words to describe the love, affection, and gratitude for the woman who single-handedly drug me out of my mostly self-imposed pit of self-pity and despair and gave me the greatest gift that anyone could give another person. Unconditional love. Happy Valentines Day to my beautiful wife, loving mother, and my rock in the storm of life, Leslie Hanks!!!
As these blogs progress, I will undoubtedly offend, because I tend to be "brutally" honest, or so I've been told, and I'm extremely opinionated to a fault at times. But therein lies my pleasure...trying to convince everyone that the way I think is right!
When I finally awakened from the oppressive steel-toe boot kick to the head that my overly-draconian father had imposed on my younger years, I grasped for anything that might explain the grand scheme of life, and why so many falter and fail, when others seemingly float around in a see of success, achievement and good fortune. When you are told from childhood that you're worthless and sorrier than "whale shit on the bottom of the ocean", somehow you start to wonder if it's not true. Report card days were a real treat. I used to get literally physically sick on report card days. I remember my older, and much more studious and smarter brother Bryan, lying for me and telling our parents that our report cards had not been given out yet, so he could buy me another day or two of relief, and paid the price with me for lying. Things like that, only a brother can do, and can never be repaid.
I did however manage to graduate high school, ( I was on what I refer to as the "5-year plan"), and afterwards, I thought the Army and it's promises of "being all I could be" was the answer to begin with, and for many of my friends and peers, it was and has been. I realized then, that I had a serious problem with authority, that still mildly permeates in my personality today, despite my many attempts to quell it.
I entered the work force upon returning from the 18 month drinking binge that is Camp Casey, Korea, to discover that things were just as shitty out in the civilian world, if not worse, than it had been in the military. Luckily, I fell in with some really good characters that are still mostly prominent in my life 20 years later. We've all survived this crazy, maddening, yet exhilarating journey together for the most part. We've lost a couple along the way, but the core group is still intact and older, wiser and all the better for wear.
The thing is life, no matter how overwhelming, how defeating, or how unfair it sometimes may seem, life is essentially a test. Some say it's a gift, which I agree with, but I believe it goes farther than that. It is a test, a test of how we respond to the perils, challenges, and obstacles that are thrown our way on a daily basis. It basically boils down to the choices we make from day-to-day. A decision to go ahead and hit that joint that's passed to you a few days before a job interview, the bright idea to have unprotected sex, but also the good sense of some to buckle down and avoid the temptations they're barraged with every day to get that education, or job, and the foresight of others to decide to abstain, or at least practice "safe-sex" if there is truly such a thing, (that's a WHOLE other blog entirely!!).
I tried blaming all kinds of things for my problems with family, employment, or what-have-you when I was a younger man. From God, to the "man", my parents, to my own inability to let certain things from my frivolous lifestyle go, then the miracle happened...I became responsible for someone else's life and well-being. I became a father. I'll never forget finding out that I was going to be a Dad from my then friend/girlfriend, now 12 year wife, and retreating to the bathroom to gather my wits. I was bombed out of my mind; vodka, reefer, and more than likely a pill or two thrown in there back in those days. She, on the other hand was as straight as an arrow, as always,having still to this day not ever been drunk or high, one of the best people that I've known, PERIOD. I remember that, as cheesy as it may seem, the Creed song "With Arms Wide Open" was playing on the stereo, (another thing of the past), and I pretty much begged God that if he'd let my child be born healthy with all his fingers, toes, and no deformities, that I'd give up all the stupid things that I was doing at the time.
Fast forward 12 years...I'm still with the only girl that I've ever really loved, have two of the most awesomely wonderful kids that anyone could ask for and another on the way in June of 2012, and I've MOSTLY held up my end of the deal. I still drink, although with a lot better judgement, but everything else, I've pretty much given up.
I still have my great questions for the universe, or whoever is in charge of it, but I have found solace in the fact that I have traveled a great and trying distance and been down to the point of having seemingly no hope, and risen to the pinnacle of being the beacon in someone else's life. I remember when I was young in Sunday school, our teacher would tell us that you have to be careful what you do, because there is ALWAYS someone that looks up to you...now I convey that same message to my two children, as I've seen it with my own eyes on at least a couple of instances.
Finally on this Valentines Day edition of my foolish blogginess, I find myself wanting for the words to describe the love, affection, and gratitude for the woman who single-handedly drug me out of my mostly self-imposed pit of self-pity and despair and gave me the greatest gift that anyone could give another person. Unconditional love. Happy Valentines Day to my beautiful wife, loving mother, and my rock in the storm of life, Leslie Hanks!!!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Old folks need love too!!!
Let me begin by saying that I LOVE elderly people. I just do, and always have, the stories of times gone by, the tales of struggle and survival of days that we could not possibly imagine in our modern spoiled, "everything ready right here-right now" society that we live in today, and the general wisdom that comes with any amount of real age brings with it.
That brings me to part of what I feel I need to rant on tonight, the disassociation between the young and old that used to not exist, and the total lack of respect that the younger generation, some of my generation included, shows towards the old folks today. Even on the kids networks, (Disney, Nickelodeon, etc), they project the elderly as a joke, something to be ridiculed or broken down and useless. It's really disturbing when you stop and analyze the way seniors are projected in modern television programming.
Violence against the older generation is rampant these days, everyday you can watch the news or open a paper or read an online media source and see where someone has broken into an elderly person(s) home and beat/murdered them for one reason only; that they are older and weaker, and can't resist as well. It speaks volumes about the mentality and shape of the world today. I'm not a wealthy man, never have been, probably never will be, but if I was, I'd give ANYTHING to be left alone in a room with some of these monsters that prey on the weak and the old for just a few minutes! I've only been really good at a couple of things in my life, and vengeance, although not necessarily appropriate at times, is definitely one of them.
I can recall getting off of the school bus in rural western North Carolina and literally running to get to my grandparents house where we stayed until my father got off of his 2nd shift job. I looked forward to every moment spent with my dads parents in the evenings after school, watching them go about their everyday chores, and waiting for the next episode of a tale of their youth, or just soaking up the "spoiling" that inevitably came.
Even though I can't remember much of my mothers parents, as I was separated from them in my parents divorce as a young child, I did retain over the 16 or so years until our next meeting the unconditional love, kindness and the stories and general lessons they tried to convey upon me in the few years they did have with me.
I can't pinpoint where things went wrong with the youth and elderly in our country, but I know it's a terrible shame. The things young folks could learn and life lessons they could attain are priceless as time goes on and youth leaves them and they themselves have to learn to become the older, responsible, leaders of tomorrow. I realize that I was by no means a saint, and in fact was probably the "anti-role model" of my peers, but I gotta' be honest with you, the thought of some of the younger people I know personally being the cornerstone of our society in years to come literally frightens the hell out of me!!
Most young folks, generally speaking, know nothing of responsibility, hard work, and the basic ideals that founded this once great country of ours. There are exceptions, I realize, and don't mean to offend the youth who are diligent, hard working and responsible, because there are some still around. Whether it be the farm kid waking up at dawn to do his daily routine or the kid who's busting his butt working and trying to get into a good school to pursue his dreams, there are some who have an inkling of the old values and standards of the past, but they are few and far between.
We are a greed-driven society now, survival of the fittest, every-man-for-himself, get me before I get you, kind of mentality. The lessons of old of charity, compassion, and humanity are things of fairy tale legends these days.
I worked in a rest home/ domiciliary facility in my 20's and although some of the finer details of the job didn't appeal to me at first, I immediately enjoyed being around the older people in the home and still hold many of them near and dear to my heart.
I must take a step away for a moment and say that something that plagues, puzzles and pretty much angers me is that the people who care for these folks in these facilities are some of the most overworked, under- paid, disrespected individuals in our modern work force. They are charged with possibly the most important task there is...the responsibility of, the well being and prosperity of other peoples family and "loved ones". I use the "loved ones" vaguely as some are just dropped off and discarded like Goodwill donations. Theirs is a thankless job of bathing, feeding, and caring for the misplaced, displaced, elderly, and despaired souls of our time. They are spit on, struck, cursed daily as well as being belittled by the "real" medical community, all for a minimum wage salaries. I think it's truly one of the greatest atrocities of modern times.
Now that I have apparently exhausted my body in construction work, I have returned of late to work at the same rest home that I worked at nearly 15 years ago. The one thing that I've noticed is that for one, there aren't nearly as many truly "old" people there any more, they are mostly mental health clients, or drug/alcohol rehab kind of residents. I find myself sitting in the old lobby looking around the seats now occupied by people half the age of the people that I remember being there and reminiscing about the "good ol' days" and the stories told and some of the genuine characters that used to roam these same halls of the likes that will never be seen again, and I feel a pang of sadness and longing for times gone by.
I scan the world scene and find basically the same issue on a global scale. The elderly are dismissed as second rate citizens with the option of having enough money to pay for their power bill or buying their medicine for the month, while criminals and miscreants are coddled and looked after as though they are important to the betterment of society.
I know that nothing I will say will change the greater social landscape as far as the treatment of the elderly, and the injustice of the people in their charge being dumped on daily, or the way that this younger generation approaches the world and it's older, wiser members, but hey...I can HOPE, and without hope, there is nothing.
If you still have a grandparent, great aunt/uncle, hell anyone you care about from the older generation, give 'em a big ol' hug, tell them you appreciate the sacrifices their generation went through; and trust me there were many, and just sit back and LISTEN and learn and enjoy the lessons of people who have truly "been there and done that", and hopefully you'll come out with a better understanding of where we as a whole need to be heading to make it together in the future.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyqgjCKm9nQ
Just some good background music while you read......
That brings me to part of what I feel I need to rant on tonight, the disassociation between the young and old that used to not exist, and the total lack of respect that the younger generation, some of my generation included, shows towards the old folks today. Even on the kids networks, (Disney, Nickelodeon, etc), they project the elderly as a joke, something to be ridiculed or broken down and useless. It's really disturbing when you stop and analyze the way seniors are projected in modern television programming.
Violence against the older generation is rampant these days, everyday you can watch the news or open a paper or read an online media source and see where someone has broken into an elderly person(s) home and beat/murdered them for one reason only; that they are older and weaker, and can't resist as well. It speaks volumes about the mentality and shape of the world today. I'm not a wealthy man, never have been, probably never will be, but if I was, I'd give ANYTHING to be left alone in a room with some of these monsters that prey on the weak and the old for just a few minutes! I've only been really good at a couple of things in my life, and vengeance, although not necessarily appropriate at times, is definitely one of them.
I can recall getting off of the school bus in rural western North Carolina and literally running to get to my grandparents house where we stayed until my father got off of his 2nd shift job. I looked forward to every moment spent with my dads parents in the evenings after school, watching them go about their everyday chores, and waiting for the next episode of a tale of their youth, or just soaking up the "spoiling" that inevitably came.
Even though I can't remember much of my mothers parents, as I was separated from them in my parents divorce as a young child, I did retain over the 16 or so years until our next meeting the unconditional love, kindness and the stories and general lessons they tried to convey upon me in the few years they did have with me.
I can't pinpoint where things went wrong with the youth and elderly in our country, but I know it's a terrible shame. The things young folks could learn and life lessons they could attain are priceless as time goes on and youth leaves them and they themselves have to learn to become the older, responsible, leaders of tomorrow. I realize that I was by no means a saint, and in fact was probably the "anti-role model" of my peers, but I gotta' be honest with you, the thought of some of the younger people I know personally being the cornerstone of our society in years to come literally frightens the hell out of me!!
Most young folks, generally speaking, know nothing of responsibility, hard work, and the basic ideals that founded this once great country of ours. There are exceptions, I realize, and don't mean to offend the youth who are diligent, hard working and responsible, because there are some still around. Whether it be the farm kid waking up at dawn to do his daily routine or the kid who's busting his butt working and trying to get into a good school to pursue his dreams, there are some who have an inkling of the old values and standards of the past, but they are few and far between.
We are a greed-driven society now, survival of the fittest, every-man-for-himself, get me before I get you, kind of mentality. The lessons of old of charity, compassion, and humanity are things of fairy tale legends these days.
I worked in a rest home/ domiciliary facility in my 20's and although some of the finer details of the job didn't appeal to me at first, I immediately enjoyed being around the older people in the home and still hold many of them near and dear to my heart.
I must take a step away for a moment and say that something that plagues, puzzles and pretty much angers me is that the people who care for these folks in these facilities are some of the most overworked, under- paid, disrespected individuals in our modern work force. They are charged with possibly the most important task there is...the responsibility of, the well being and prosperity of other peoples family and "loved ones". I use the "loved ones" vaguely as some are just dropped off and discarded like Goodwill donations. Theirs is a thankless job of bathing, feeding, and caring for the misplaced, displaced, elderly, and despaired souls of our time. They are spit on, struck, cursed daily as well as being belittled by the "real" medical community, all for a minimum wage salaries. I think it's truly one of the greatest atrocities of modern times.
Now that I have apparently exhausted my body in construction work, I have returned of late to work at the same rest home that I worked at nearly 15 years ago. The one thing that I've noticed is that for one, there aren't nearly as many truly "old" people there any more, they are mostly mental health clients, or drug/alcohol rehab kind of residents. I find myself sitting in the old lobby looking around the seats now occupied by people half the age of the people that I remember being there and reminiscing about the "good ol' days" and the stories told and some of the genuine characters that used to roam these same halls of the likes that will never be seen again, and I feel a pang of sadness and longing for times gone by.
I scan the world scene and find basically the same issue on a global scale. The elderly are dismissed as second rate citizens with the option of having enough money to pay for their power bill or buying their medicine for the month, while criminals and miscreants are coddled and looked after as though they are important to the betterment of society.
I know that nothing I will say will change the greater social landscape as far as the treatment of the elderly, and the injustice of the people in their charge being dumped on daily, or the way that this younger generation approaches the world and it's older, wiser members, but hey...I can HOPE, and without hope, there is nothing.
If you still have a grandparent, great aunt/uncle, hell anyone you care about from the older generation, give 'em a big ol' hug, tell them you appreciate the sacrifices their generation went through; and trust me there were many, and just sit back and LISTEN and learn and enjoy the lessons of people who have truly "been there and done that", and hopefully you'll come out with a better understanding of where we as a whole need to be heading to make it together in the future.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyqgjCKm9nQ
Just some good background music while you read......
Friday, February 3, 2012
Loss
Loss: noun
1.
detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep,have, or get: to bear the loss of a robbery.
2.
something that is lost: The painting was the greatest loss fromthe robbery.
4.
the state of being deprived of or of being without somethingthat one has had: the loss of old friends.
5.
Then there are the more serious Losses of family/friends to death for whatever reason. I, personally lost my hero when I was 12 years old in my Grandpa Hanks, he was the lighthouse in the storm of my turbulent childhood. I could do NO wrong in his eyes and even on the day he died he defended me against what he perceived as unjust punishment by my father, who was a very no-nonsense "spare the rod" type of parent, to say the absolute least. Grandparents and older loved ones are expected losses, sad as they may be at the time, and I can attest, that they are traumatic, especially for a 12 year old who idolizes the one lost, but there are also the unexpected losses, the ones that sneak up on you that you NEVER see coming, or that you blind yourself from the possibility of them occurring.
I have written, on one occasion, about such a loss from one of my closest, dearest friends that was taken from all of us much too soon. https://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&¬e_id=111105135576481
Here is a song by one of my favorite song writers/performers, who while dealing with the realization of his own cancer and the fact that he was facing the impending Loss of his own life, stopped to remake a song about all the good things in this crazy thing we call life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IoO5nkxT_4
death, or the fact of being dead: to mourn the loss of a grandparent
Loss, I'm certain EVERY single person has experienced some sort of loss by the above definition. Some of them easier to cope with than others, but nonetheless, still a loss.
I have been away from Blogonnia for a day or so, struggling as so many of us do, with the tragedy of loss. There are SO many things that we have taken from us as we "mature" and evolve into the responsible adults that we eventually ALL have to become.
Loss, I'm certain EVERY single person has experienced some sort of loss by the above definition. Some of them easier to cope with than others, but nonetheless, still a loss.
I have been away from Blogonnia for a day or so, struggling as so many of us do, with the tragedy of loss. There are SO many things that we have taken from us as we "mature" and evolve into the responsible adults that we eventually ALL have to become.
First of all there are the loss of material things, though they may anger or hurt us because of sentimental value or whatever, are what I consider the least of all of the losses. Anything material can be eventually gained again, with enough time and effort.
There are of course the loss of "loves" that we consider to be SO vital and real in our younger years... then as we grow older we question our judgement on being with the person at all. These losses, while traumatic at the time, end up usually being some of the best building blocks for growing into realistic minded, "mature" adults. Noone that I know though, can say they will ever forget the Loss of their first "love".
Of course there are the loss of pets, which anyone whose had a pet for any amount of time can attest is a sorrowful experience indeed. We lost a miniature schnauzer that we'd had for nearly 13 years to a brutish neighborhood black lab a few years ago and the experience seriously hurt both my kids who considered him a member of the family as they had never remembered a
time without him.
Another loss that I find heartbreaking, is the loss of youth, and everything that youth entails. Especially childhood. The innocence, the willingness to believe that ANYTHING is possible if only you choose to believe. The view of the world as a welcoming adventure ripe for conquering, and not as it is today...a place where you need to hide yourself behind closed doors, don't trust anyone, and look out for number one, because someone is always right behind you ready to take your place or do you in. The death of the innocence of childhood/youth, and the dreams and ambitions that came along and died with them, is surely one of the greatest tragedies of ones life.
There are of course the loss of "loves" that we consider to be SO vital and real in our younger years... then as we grow older we question our judgement on being with the person at all. These losses, while traumatic at the time, end up usually being some of the best building blocks for growing into realistic minded, "mature" adults. Noone that I know though, can say they will ever forget the Loss of their first "love".
Of course there are the loss of pets, which anyone whose had a pet for any amount of time can attest is a sorrowful experience indeed. We lost a miniature schnauzer that we'd had for nearly 13 years to a brutish neighborhood black lab a few years ago and the experience seriously hurt both my kids who considered him a member of the family as they had never remembered a
time without him.
Another loss that I find heartbreaking, is the loss of youth, and everything that youth entails. Especially childhood. The innocence, the willingness to believe that ANYTHING is possible if only you choose to believe. The view of the world as a welcoming adventure ripe for conquering, and not as it is today...a place where you need to hide yourself behind closed doors, don't trust anyone, and look out for number one, because someone is always right behind you ready to take your place or do you in. The death of the innocence of childhood/youth, and the dreams and ambitions that came along and died with them, is surely one of the greatest tragedies of ones life.
Then there are the more serious Losses of family/friends to death for whatever reason. I, personally lost my hero when I was 12 years old in my Grandpa Hanks, he was the lighthouse in the storm of my turbulent childhood. I could do NO wrong in his eyes and even on the day he died he defended me against what he perceived as unjust punishment by my father, who was a very no-nonsense "spare the rod" type of parent, to say the absolute least. Grandparents and older loved ones are expected losses, sad as they may be at the time, and I can attest, that they are traumatic, especially for a 12 year old who idolizes the one lost, but there are also the unexpected losses, the ones that sneak up on you that you NEVER see coming, or that you blind yourself from the possibility of them occurring.
I have written, on one occasion, about such a loss from one of my closest, dearest friends that was taken from all of us much too soon. https://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&¬e_id=111105135576481
There have been several other friends that I've lost due to the cruel clutches of addiction, but I digress, because this is not the intended course of my blog.
The thing about ANY loss is that it brings to the foreground everything that there is still to lose. Loss, of any kind, should inspire people to cling to the remnants of possessions, loves and relationships, family/loved ones, that we STILL have and clutch them to us, and thank whatever higher power we thank daily that we have so much, when there are so many with absolutely nothing!
Thanks for bearing with my slightly more melancholy rantings tonight, but it's been weighing on my mind for 2 days now, and now the burden is lifted, as Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone With the Wind, (incidentally my FAVORITE movie of all time for reasons that I'm sure I'll delve into soon enough), "...tomorrow is another day!"
The thing about ANY loss is that it brings to the foreground everything that there is still to lose. Loss, of any kind, should inspire people to cling to the remnants of possessions, loves and relationships, family/loved ones, that we STILL have and clutch them to us, and thank whatever higher power we thank daily that we have so much, when there are so many with absolutely nothing!
Thanks for bearing with my slightly more melancholy rantings tonight, but it's been weighing on my mind for 2 days now, and now the burden is lifted, as Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone With the Wind, (incidentally my FAVORITE movie of all time for reasons that I'm sure I'll delve into soon enough), "...tomorrow is another day!"
Here is a song by one of my favorite song writers/performers, who while dealing with the realization of his own cancer and the fact that he was facing the impending Loss of his own life, stopped to remake a song about all the good things in this crazy thing we call life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IoO5nkxT_4
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The rise and eventual fall of the greatest era in music...the 90's
Let me just start by saying that I was born in 1970, and remember, vaguely at times, the music of the 70's. I remember the 80's all too well, and while I'm not knocking ALL of the music of that decade, let's be serious, it was a time of some really creatively disappointing music and styles as well. There were a few standouts that didn't fit into the neon colored, big haired, acid washed niche that most bands/groups found themselves in . I think that's why I migrated towards rap and punk during this time...it was just refreshing and different, which is what I was all about during those dark days. Some of the bands I later came to love had their start in the 80's, (Nine Inch Nails, Fugazi, Social Distortion, Pixies, etc), but what I would consider a musical renaissance actually began during the 90's.
I was in Korea in the Army in 1990 when a fellow soldier from the Seattle area, that I cannot even remember by his first name introduced me to basically a garage band named Nirvana that just blew me away! He had tapes from live shows in small, intimate clubs that he gave me copies of. Not just Nirvana, but Mudhoney, Mother Love Bone, and of course the budding Pearl Jam and Sound Garden. I was in audio heaven! Everything that I had been accustomed to in the generic, bubble gum music scene of the 80's wash washed away in the opening bass chords of "Blew" by Nirvana off their debut, garage-made, album "Bleach", (which incidentally was made in 88-89, but re-released in the U.S. in 1992, AFTER the multi-platinum "Nevermind") I was hooked!
It wasn't just the "grunge" music that was so defining in the 90's, there were entire genres born in the 90's that changed the face of music forever, and that I feel some bands still try to live up to today. "Alternative" crawled out of the recesses between grunge and the harder bands that were emerging pioneering their own sounds; (Tool, Korn, Stabbing Westward, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, etc.). Alternative later became a "one-size-fits-all" label for any kind of music that wasn't boy bands or screamo, but that is much later. The Alternative that I knew, loved, partied to, and later watched turn into the same mindless garbage that you might as well call pop, were bands like Smashing Pumpkins, (still the BEST live show I've ever seen HANDS DOWN!!), Everclear, Radiohead,Sublime, Rage Against the Machine, Cold, and after Kurt Cobains untimely demise, the Foo Fighters. It was all so "new" and refreshing that it was literally like a musical revolution had occurred. I saw the Smashing Pumpkins, Meat Puppets, and Blind Melon on the campus of ASU in 1993 or 1994, and it literally changed my life! I had never experienced the sonic bombardment of the likes I heard that night when Billy Corgan and James Iha unleashed their dual guitar bombardment on my unsuspecting ears.
Even the rap/hip-hop from the 90's had a certain substance and grit to it that had never been seen before, or since. Unfortunately, the deaths of two of raps biggest icons, Christopher Wallace,(Biggie Smalls, Notorious B.I.G.) and Tupac Shakur, would lead to it's eventual demise into the bling-heavy, back-up singing, auto-tuning, garbage that they pass for hip-hop these days. Groups like Wu-Tang Clan, Goodie-Mobb, Outkast, and anyone from Bad Boy or Death Row Records, and individuals like Nas, Method Man, and even a white boy by the name of Enimem blazed a trail for all of the clones and wannabes of the current rap/hip-hop genre.
Anyone that I left out in either genre whether it be rap, grunge, alternative, was unintended, and I'm sure I've overlooked several, no offense intended. They always say write about what you know, well that's what I know!
I pumped my gas the other day and my son who is almost 13 was left in charge of the Ipod when I was out of the car, when I came back I found to my surprise and joy, that he and my 8 year old daughter were blasting the Breeders album and singing along. Now if that's not some positive parenting, then I don't know what is!!
Until next time bloggonians, I say dig out some of the old cd's, or dare I say cassette tapes and crank that 90's music 'til your eardrums scream for mercy, or until your wife/husband tells you you're going to wake up the kids, which ever comes first!
I was in Korea in the Army in 1990 when a fellow soldier from the Seattle area, that I cannot even remember by his first name introduced me to basically a garage band named Nirvana that just blew me away! He had tapes from live shows in small, intimate clubs that he gave me copies of. Not just Nirvana, but Mudhoney, Mother Love Bone, and of course the budding Pearl Jam and Sound Garden. I was in audio heaven! Everything that I had been accustomed to in the generic, bubble gum music scene of the 80's wash washed away in the opening bass chords of "Blew" by Nirvana off their debut, garage-made, album "Bleach", (which incidentally was made in 88-89, but re-released in the U.S. in 1992, AFTER the multi-platinum "Nevermind") I was hooked!
It wasn't just the "grunge" music that was so defining in the 90's, there were entire genres born in the 90's that changed the face of music forever, and that I feel some bands still try to live up to today. "Alternative" crawled out of the recesses between grunge and the harder bands that were emerging pioneering their own sounds; (Tool, Korn, Stabbing Westward, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, etc.). Alternative later became a "one-size-fits-all" label for any kind of music that wasn't boy bands or screamo, but that is much later. The Alternative that I knew, loved, partied to, and later watched turn into the same mindless garbage that you might as well call pop, were bands like Smashing Pumpkins, (still the BEST live show I've ever seen HANDS DOWN!!), Everclear, Radiohead,Sublime, Rage Against the Machine, Cold, and after Kurt Cobains untimely demise, the Foo Fighters. It was all so "new" and refreshing that it was literally like a musical revolution had occurred. I saw the Smashing Pumpkins, Meat Puppets, and Blind Melon on the campus of ASU in 1993 or 1994, and it literally changed my life! I had never experienced the sonic bombardment of the likes I heard that night when Billy Corgan and James Iha unleashed their dual guitar bombardment on my unsuspecting ears.
Even the rap/hip-hop from the 90's had a certain substance and grit to it that had never been seen before, or since. Unfortunately, the deaths of two of raps biggest icons, Christopher Wallace,(Biggie Smalls, Notorious B.I.G.) and Tupac Shakur, would lead to it's eventual demise into the bling-heavy, back-up singing, auto-tuning, garbage that they pass for hip-hop these days. Groups like Wu-Tang Clan, Goodie-Mobb, Outkast, and anyone from Bad Boy or Death Row Records, and individuals like Nas, Method Man, and even a white boy by the name of Enimem blazed a trail for all of the clones and wannabes of the current rap/hip-hop genre.
Anyone that I left out in either genre whether it be rap, grunge, alternative, was unintended, and I'm sure I've overlooked several, no offense intended. They always say write about what you know, well that's what I know!
I pumped my gas the other day and my son who is almost 13 was left in charge of the Ipod when I was out of the car, when I came back I found to my surprise and joy, that he and my 8 year old daughter were blasting the Breeders album and singing along. Now if that's not some positive parenting, then I don't know what is!!
Until next time bloggonians, I say dig out some of the old cd's, or dare I say cassette tapes and crank that 90's music 'til your eardrums scream for mercy, or until your wife/husband tells you you're going to wake up the kids, which ever comes first!
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